I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
