Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
