I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
