if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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