Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
