She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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