I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
