All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
