So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
