Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
