i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
