I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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