you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
