why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize