So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
