my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's like iHOP with fire
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
