I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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