so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
