Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
