dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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