why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
