i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
