This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
