White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
