Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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