I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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