I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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