i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
