i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im six kinds of drunk right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
