Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
