Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
