just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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