there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
