Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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