Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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