paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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