i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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