Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Operation Purity has been aborted
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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