i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
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