I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
