I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
