I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize