doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
