Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
