i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize