Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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