Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
