i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She bit a glass in half.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
