I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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