Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
