and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
