I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
