oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
