don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
