Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize