I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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