Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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