I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
