Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
