Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
