I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
