i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
