If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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