I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
