Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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