hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
