what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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