You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize