I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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