do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
