we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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