I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Buhtt sex?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
