i don't like sucking hair
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
