she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
how does that bad decision feel?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
