you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
