how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
