ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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