similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
