Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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