I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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