I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
