i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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