saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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