At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
People in love make me want to vomit
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
