I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
