We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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