I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
