hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
