This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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