idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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