I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize