I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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