Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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