Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
