I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
