He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
