dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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