i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
