what day is it and did you see me today?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
