Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
