Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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