why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
