dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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